


a rolling fog

by spookykingdomstarlight



Category: The Shape of Water (2017)
Genre: Character Death Fix, Future Fic, Gen, Introspection, Meditations on the Cost of Espionage, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-07-20 18:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16142891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookykingdomstarlight/pseuds/spookykingdomstarlight
Summary: It was good to have the opportunity to experience aches and pains. Not all spies did. In fact, more often than not, the men charged with handling them decided it was easier to dispose of them than send them on their way to a happy retirement. They’d tried to do the same with Dmitri, but Dmitri had grown smarter than they were. He’d learned enough to know the truth and how little a difference his work made when there were bad men on all sides.





	a rolling fog

**Author's Note:**

  * For [summerdayghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerdayghost/gifts).



He thought of himself as Bob now. There was no point not to, having turned away from who he was, who he’d been, where he’d been born and whom he’d worked for. He’d spent so long as Bob anyway that adopting his name, his attitudes, wasn’t so very hard. That was what spies did; it wasn’t all glitz and glamour the way motion pictures these days tried to tell it. The operatives in those movies infiltrated criminal organizations—never, it seemed, foreign governments, the way real spies did—with ease, personally untouched except in the most physical and basic of ways. A thug would punch them in the face and maybe, maybe they would leave a bruise.

That wasn’t true in real life. In real life, your cover story got in your head. That other persona became almost as real as the real you. You pretended so long that you became that person. It was how all the best spies did their work. And at one time, Dmitri had been the best. The most loyal, too, until finally loyalty and status no longer mattered and he lost who he was and became who he was meant to be. 

Bob was a mild-mannered scientist, like the scientist Dmitri had once been before his government called upon him to be more than that. Dmitri grew cold over the years, calculating. He didn’t like the man Dmitri was and preferred Bob. 

He still liked Bob. He was relieved to be him, to have survived and escaped his past, to have gotten to become him, few people the wiser. Even though he now went by another name, still strange to his ears and mind, he was Bob. As he’d been Dmitri the Spy. As he’d been Dmitri the Scientist. The names did not matter in the end, it was the man inside that was important.

Dragging in a deep breath, he closed his eyes, allowed himself the joy of this experience, pure and bracing. He preferred the ocean at this time of day, before dawn has done more than caress the horizon and the stars could still be seen if you tipped your neck and stared straight up. There was a chill in the air, the last touch of night before the sun pushed all of that aside for the heat of day. Though he wore a cardigan around his shoulders, he wished he’d thought to bring a blanket, too. His body twinged a good deal more than it used to. These days, the aches and pains outnumbered just about everything else and warmth was the only thing that helped relieve it.

It was good to have the opportunity to experience aches and pains. Not all spies did. In fact, more often than not, the men charged with handling them decided it was easier to dispose of them than send them on their way to a happy retirement. They’d tried to do the same with Dmitri, but Dmitri had grown smarter than they were. He’d learned enough to know the truth and how little a difference his work made when there were bad men on all sides.

Bob was not a bad man; Dmitri, also.

He wondered sometimes about the Asset and the woman who’d loved him enough to risk everything, who’d so impressed Dmitri that he couldn’t help but do what he could to fix what he’d done and what the Americans intended to do. It was pure vanity to believe his own people would be any different.

He’d only ever wanted to help.

And he had. Even if it was only two people that he saved, that was more than many could say themselves. He’d done something good, something he could be proud of for once in his life. It was an honor to think on it, to remember it. This was why he loved the sea so much, he thought.

It was a reminder that there was good people in the world and that he could count himself among them.

Smiling, he looked out onto the sparkling, diamond-bright water. It caught the light of the moon and sun both. Fitting, he thought. And lovely. It made him wish he could do as the Asset did, as Elisa had been allowed to do. The waves beckoned to him, but he knew he did not belong beneath them. This temporary and fleeting visit was all he would be allowed and it was more than he probably deserved. The ocean did not belong to him after all. Not the way it belonged to them. But it was friendly enough to allow a visitor, he could sense that.

Bending, he removed his shoes and unclipped his socks from their garters, the metal pieces hanging cool against his exposed shin. Never had he thought to do this before, such a silly thing, stepping into the water while it was still so cold. Even on the warmest of days, the water remained frigid and the sand, cold under the soles of his feet. Or so it seemed to him.

Perhaps he just imagined it.

No matter. This morning, the cold couldn’t reach him. Didn’t dare touch him. He felt light, buoyant. It was a good day. There was nothing in particular that made it so, but he knew it to be one regardless.

A smile broke across his face, relieved and pleased. Everything good in the world could be found here and he knew it. Somewhere out there, the being known as the Asset survived. Elisa survived. Good people survived and escaped because of him.

If he did nothing else in his life, that was enough.

He could retire his past now. And become something else entirely. Something better. Something new and unburdened.

Stepping into the surf, braced now for the cold, he kicked at the foam, at bits of kelp and seaweed as it washed ashore. He didn’t remember every doing anything so frivolous and silly, but it didn’t feel frivolous or silly to him in this moment.

No, in this moment, he was finally content.

He was happy.


End file.
